Goodbye
“Do you remember when we met?”
The man’s voice sounded grave and deep. Even in those moments when he less expected it, he could behave like that; and by looking at him it was clear that everything was pointless just for the look of those eyes of turquoise than where now staring back at him.
“You should stop thinking nonsense.”
The other’s voice sounded cold, yet deep. The man had learnt to notice it plain, however, after so many years being by his side, that same plain almost lifeless voice had started to have colours only he could recognize. Those same colours allowed Milo, without even looking at Camus, to feel that voice go over not only to his senses but also to his body.
The ethereal feeling blossoming in them had started to betray them; there was no way to hide what was inside of them anymore; in fact, they weren’t trying to do so, but—they didn’t say them aloud. It was like by avoiding it, the effect of such feelings would still live and the mystery will still be between them.
Camus rose from the chair where he’d been sitting. He didn’t even know what he was doing given that every time they both ended up destroying each other. No matter how hard they tried it, there always came a moment in which any of them would say something hurtful to the other and the list of regrets would start—again, yet, up to that moment, Camus promised himself he’d enjoyed the time they were sharing.
The light was dim and a soft summer breeze entered the place through the big windows of the place; Camus had always enjoyed that kind of sensation; it reminded him of moments he’d lived long ago. Moments that had been as happy as those he’d shared before with the man who was now indifferently looking out of the window. His look was that of someone special; being tall, as much as Camus himself was; the sun, which had dared to touch him throughout all those years giving him a majestic colour, had tanned his skin. His eyes—filled with a hidden sadness that could change and become the brightest ones he could have ever seen.
Camus loved the image of his companion, which was now glowing by the moonlight.
Milo already knew Camus was approaching. Despite he wasn’t feeling either his steps or cosmos, nor was that he liked being surprised with his guard low; he needed to know the other walking closer to him. More than that, Milo needed to feel him or he’d be delusional soon. There was no way for him to know at what point Camus had entered so deep into his soul. Scorpio was afraid of losing him, but—that was a risk he’d taken ever since he’d told him he was in love with him, that day, under the tree near the waterfall. Despite all…
Scorpio trembled when he felt Camus’ hand on his shoulder. Every time they touched, it meant absolute surrender. He wasn’t sure why he didn’t want to acknowledge it, but those hands took him to experiences nobody else’s had ever given him. For years, everybody had believed Milo would jump from one bed to another. Nobody ever thought he could spent his nights alone in his Temple, thinking about silly things only the ones in love think...even he, his beloved one doubted him, but…when he touched him again, Milo could feel everything around him but that touch meaningless.
“S’agap-o ” the other had whispered in his ear, the sweet voice and the cold air making him shiver.
The professional hands began to caress him under his tunic and he closed his eyes, ready to let himself go and get lost in the feelings. Scorpio wanted to enjoy as much as possible this unique chance fearful that it’d be the last one…however; there was not a moment for resting…Camus wouldn’t let him…every touch taking him to the limits of his own limits. Yet, as soon as it had begun, it was over…and Milo felt afraid while a known hand took him to bed.
The tunic finally fell on the floor and Milo’s skin was exposed to the night. He fell on the bed while Camus undressed himself. Milo wanted to touch him, being still helpless in his attempts. There was no way Camus would let him come closer, Milo’s hands being removed from Camus’ body…Milo’s lips couldn’t find the other’s…
“Feel Milo…just do that.”
Milo let himself go. It was always him who gave the first step; the one who took the other to the limit of his fears, however this time…it all seemed different. The hunter was being hunted. The man had to hold to the sheets when Camus’ mouth embraced him. Let yourself go, he was saying to himself. Have a little control, he pleaded; but the other’s caresses where about to drive him crazy. The tongue playfully moved up and down, with cadence, and Milo was not able to suppress his gasps full of pleasurable desire.
“Just love me” he manager to say. He was feeling, exactly the way he’d been requested, was he not? However…how can you ask that to the one who feels to the extreme? I love you, his mind yelled; you’re mine his body shouted.
He yelled once again when he reached his peak.
Milo could say he’d heard a whisper. Camus was talking again but he was unable to answer. The next thing he knew was Camus filling him…killing him with his touches and movements. That wasn’t Camus’ role…it was his…but he finally surrender and enjoyed himself.
Camus let himself fell on Milo, letting him hug him while they kissed, devouring each other’s lips. He kept moving repeatedly while he felt ecstatic by the sensations and when they both finally came, it was like if his life had taken a new meaning…even though he’d always needed a lie to move on.
Scorpio wanted to hug the other, tell him how much it meant to him what they’d just done, but, when he could see Aquarius face, he saw nothing but shame.
“Not this time, please.”
Camus was crying silently, right after he’d taken him which such sweetness and unconditional love.
“I’m sorry.”
“I think it’s better that you leave...and never come back.”
“Milo…”
“Don’t say it Camus! You come to my place, you make love to me and then you’re filled with guilt?!”
“Remember when we met, Milo? I told you I was going to destroy you.”
Milo hugged him in the middle of the night; their bodies sweating, their lips still trembling…”I’m tired of seeing you how you destroy yourself…I don’t want to see you suffering like this…ever again, Camus.”
However, Aquarius didn’t answer. He couldn’t tell him he did love him; that everything they’d shared was true. Camus couldn’t place Milo first.
“I’m not you! Let go of me.” Camus stood up enraged and got dressed quickly while Scorpio looked at him saddened. “You’re right, it’s the best that I leave and never return…after all I don’t know if I’ve ever loved you!”
Milo closed himself to the pain. He couldn’t fall in the game again…ever again; however, this was the first time Camus had said that. The man stood up as well, wrapping a sheet around his waist, walking back to the window he’d been standing just a while ago. Those words were truly destroying him
“Goodbye.”
It was all he said before Camus left his Temple
Ariadne, 2005